Goodbye Grandma...

In the midst of enjoying ski trips and birthday celebrations, January and February were actually some hard months emotionally for our family.  In early January, Grandma was admitted to the hospital with some infections.  She was able to recover and return home in late January before being admitted to the hospital just a few short days later.  Her health declined rapidly, and by early February, I was making the decision to fly to California to see her one last time to say goodbye. 

 

I flew to Los Angeles on Wednesday, February 4th in the late evening.  I was desperately (and selfishly) praying that Grandma would hang on until I could be by her side.  Dad, Sherry, and my cousin, Amy, were already in LA.  We woke up early on Thursday morning and drove to the hospital.  Grandma was very weak at that point.  She knew I was there, but carrying on a conversation was very difficult for her.  We met with doctors, reviewed test results, and cared for Grandma as best we could.  It was so hard...she seemed uncomfortable and wanted things we could not give such as water and to take her home.  When we arrived at the hospital on Friday morning, her condition had not improved and it was time to make the decision to simply provide comfort measures from that point forward.  Those last hours spent with her and saying goodbye were some of the most blessed and most painful of my entire life.  She knew that "Stephy" was there, and I couldn't have asked for more than that.  Yet, watching a loved one be so ill and not being able to help or change the situation is absolutely gut-wrenching. 

 

The "hospital crew"...

 

 

I flew back to Calgary on Friday evening, and Dad called on Sunday evening, February 8th, to say that Grandma had passed away.  We couldn't believe that she held on for two more days...she was a strong woman to the very end.  Complete and utter grief...and yet immense hope knowing that she loved Jesus and was with Him.  I couldn't help imagining that Mom, Grandpa, and many other loved ones that had gone before were welcoming her home and pouring her a cup of tea.  :)  I flew to Illinois to be with family and friends as we buried Grandma on February 20th.  During this time, I have been absolutely overwhelmed with love and support from family and friends.  A simple "thank you" doesn't seem adequate for all the prayers that were lifted up on her and my behalf.  I am deeply touched and will be forever grateful... 

At the moment, I don't have access to older photos of the Grandma from my childhood.  But, I am grateful that we had so many "adult" years together to share experiences and build memories.  She got to hold my babies, and she was always so happy to hop on a plane and visit us wherever we seemed to land.  I sincerely pray that I'm jetting off to Europe in my 80's too.  :)  Below are some favorite photos...

November 2006 - Grandma holding baby Benjamin David on the day he was born.

September 2008 - Grandma, Dad, and Sherry met us in London.  Grandma loved being back in the land of her ancestors, and we even made a special train trip to Sheffield in hopes of finding out more information about her past.  Kind of a wild goose chase actually, but I loved that Grandma was getting these opportunities... 

 September 2008 - We took the train back "home" to Amsterdam. 

May 2010 - Grandma and Nathalie Susan.  Melts my heart...and Nathalie definitely has some Holderby spunk in her!  :)

July 2013 - Another new adventure in Calgary.  Grandma wanted to experience the Stampede, which was a blast.  We also enjoyed the majesty of the Canadian Rockies.  But, I cherished the quiet times at home, watching her read, play games, and paint with the kids.  Priceless. 

December 2013 - Zabikow family road trip to visit Grandma in California.  Of course we enjoyed Disneyland, the beach, apple fritters the size of your head, and meeting her beloved friend, Joe.  What we enjoyed the most?  Spending time with Grandma and those sweet hugs...

Rest in peace Grandma...missing you already.